1 01:00:04,239 --> 01:00:07,159 I'm an art student. 2 01:00:07,159 --> 01:00:11,480 It took so long for me to identify, 3 01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,000 define myself 4 01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:18,079 title myself as an art student. 5 01:00:18,639 --> 01:00:20,960 It's difficult for me. 6 01:00:21,159 --> 01:00:24,960 I think this identity is quite special. 7 01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:28,199 Compared to other people. 8 01:00:33,519 --> 01:00:39,239 I was so scared to share what I did before 9 01:00:39,239 --> 01:00:41,519 to someone who asked me: 10 01:00:41,519 --> 01:00:44,559 "Oh, what do you do for your work?" 11 01:00:44,559 --> 01:00:45,639 I would ... 12 01:00:46,719 --> 01:00:48,199 change the topic. 13 01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:53,559 I don't have plans to get a full-time job 14 01:00:53,559 --> 01:00:56,000 I don't like that kind of life. 15 01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,760 I know it will be quite 16 01:00:59,719 --> 01:01:01,519 tough in the future. 17 01:01:01,519 --> 01:01:03,239 I hope that 18 01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:07,679 I enjoy that kind of suffering. 19 01:01:11,119 --> 01:01:15,559 My my goal is to find something to sustain my life. 20 01:01:15,559 --> 01:01:17,000 That's enough. 21 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:18,440 I think. 22 01:01:19,039 --> 01:01:22,280 I think I'm not a grown up person. 23 01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:26,000 'Adult', I don't know... 24 01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:27,960 I think I need more help 25 01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:30,199 but I won't ask for it. 26 01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:34,199 Thats is why I look like this. 27 01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,480 Knowing how to ask for assistance 28 01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:46,559 is also part of 29 01:01:46,559 --> 01:01:50,320 how to become a grown up person. 30 01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:54,079 I consider myself as a passive person. 31 01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:56,519 I don't find opportunity 32 01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:57,880 I wait for it. 33 01:01:58,079 --> 01:02:00,400 I know some older people 34 01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:02,719 who told me that 35 01:02:04,159 --> 01:02:08,400 I should take initiative to do something 36 01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:11,079 to write some proposal 37 01:02:11,079 --> 01:02:12,880 to get some funding 38 01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:16,679 and then I can do whatever I want 39 01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:19,400 an art project or something like that. 40 01:02:19,599 --> 01:02:21,679 I know that helps but 41 01:02:21,679 --> 01:02:23,760 I doubt myself a lot. 42 01:02:24,159 --> 01:02:27,000 I don't know if I can do it 43 01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:30,320 or I would do it super slowly 44 01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:32,960 and I would just give up one day. 45 01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:34,320 I don't know ... 46 01:02:34,719 --> 01:02:40,719 I keep that thought in my mind these days. 47 01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:48,159 So many precious relationships that won't last long 48 01:02:48,639 --> 01:02:52,440 I'm trying to spend more time 49 01:02:53,639 --> 01:02:58,079 to enjoy the moments with my friends 50 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:02,760 I don't have the kind of time 51 01:03:02,760 --> 01:03:06,199 for me to slow down myself to think about 52 01:03:06,199 --> 01:03:09,840 something that hasn't happen yet 53 01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:12,440 or plan something else. 54 01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:14,000 Maybe I need to ... 55 01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:17,480 break the boundary. 56 01:03:19,159 --> 01:03:21,920 I don't want to share by myself 57 01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:25,320 I want to share with my work more. 58 01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:27,400 Because it's easier. 59 01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:27,960 60 01:03:34,719 --> 01:03:37,360 I avoid to think of the future 61 01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:39,360 because I don't really want to think of it 62 01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:40,639 it's so stressful 63 01:03:40,639 --> 01:03:42,679 I want to be in Hong Kong 64 01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:43,960 for a long time, 65 01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,199 but Hong Kong is just like a shit place 66 01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:49,119 I always think to myself 67 01:03:49,119 --> 01:03:51,360 why I love Hong Kong so much? 68 01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:54,360 Just is it a home or something? 69 01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:55,559 I don't know. 70 01:03:55,559 --> 01:03:57,960 The people are shit here sometimes. 71 01:03:58,519 --> 01:04:01,440 My standard is too high, maybe. 72 01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:04,960 I used to be the kind of person that 73 01:04:04,960 --> 01:04:07,480 I think of the good side of the future. 74 01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:08,920 When I was little and 75 01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:12,519 whenever I get into some heavy shit 76 01:04:12,519 --> 01:04:15,800 and I can't comprehend it, 77 01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:19,239 I just imagine a better result for it 78 01:04:19,239 --> 01:04:22,480 like imagine a better place, better event 79 01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:23,880 to happen to me. 80 01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:27,480 So that's a good way to be happy 81 01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:29,880 when you're little, but, 82 01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:33,199 when I was growing up, the method 83 01:04:33,199 --> 01:04:35,559 is not that useful for me. 84 01:04:35,559 --> 01:04:40,400 I get so upset, depressed sometimes. 85 01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,639 I used to think the change your perspective 86 01:04:42,639 --> 01:04:44,559 way is kind of dumb shit. 87 01:04:44,559 --> 01:04:47,199 The thing is this, then why you 88 01:04:47,199 --> 01:04:48,920 have to change your mind 89 01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:50,880 to be happier or something 90 01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:54,719 but, it just feels like the dumb happy 91 01:04:54,719 --> 01:04:57,840 like you don't have to think about it 92 01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:00,679 or something, but for right now I think 93 01:05:00,679 --> 01:05:03,599 that's the only way for me to have a 94 01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:04,880 happier life. 95 01:05:05,039 --> 01:05:07,440 I'm not hopeless for the future, but I'm 96 01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:09,840 not really that hopeful either 97 01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:11,960 I don't have the expectation 98 01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:13,559 for what I'm going to do so I 99 01:05:13,559 --> 01:05:14,559 won't get hurt. 100 01:05:14,559 --> 01:05:18,360 I'm too fragile to encounter shit. 101 01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:20,960 When I graduate I want to study more 102 01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:24,360 because I don't want to work. 103 01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:25,920 I just want to learn. 104 01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:28,079 I have not learned enough. 105 01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:33,199 Maybe it's my mind still figuring out 106 01:05:33,199 --> 01:05:37,320 what I should do, what I love to do. 107 01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:41,239 I love shooting, I love the camera 108 01:05:41,239 --> 01:05:44,039 I want to do the art stuff but at the 109 01:05:44,039 --> 01:05:46,440 same time I just keep thinking 110 01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:48,000 am I doing the right thing? 111 01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:49,920 If in the future I can just 112 01:05:49,920 --> 01:05:52,679 get paid by doing stuff I like, 113 01:05:52,679 --> 01:05:54,760 that's the perfect way to live. 114 01:05:57,320 --> 01:05:59,320 I'm way too scared to 115 01:05:59,719 --> 01:06:01,840 open the door of the future. 116 01:06:02,079 --> 01:06:03,960 Sometimes I just wish 117 01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:06,719 when I have the final year 118 01:06:06,719 --> 01:06:09,679 and graduate, I can die. 119 01:06:09,679 --> 01:06:12,880 Like I don't really want to face the future. 120 01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:19,199 I always consider myself not that special. 121 01:06:19,199 --> 01:06:21,639 People always say in the Western culture 122 01:06:21,639 --> 01:06:25,000 that you are the special one and you are 123 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,199 the most beautiful person 124 01:06:27,199 --> 01:06:29,400 and you need to love yourself ... 125 01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:32,119 Sometimes you need to look at the mirror 126 01:06:32,119 --> 01:06:34,719 and see what are you, what have you got? 127 01:06:34,719 --> 01:06:37,360 If you're a selfish person 128 01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:40,119 if you keep your love yourself mind mindset 129 01:06:40,119 --> 01:06:42,280 inside you, you would just get fucked up. 130 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,559 How are you going to improve yourself 131 01:06:44,559 --> 01:06:47,639 when you're too loving in yourself? 132 01:06:47,639 --> 01:06:50,079 I have done so much dumb shit. 133 01:06:50,719 --> 01:06:54,480 Awkward shit and bad stuff. 134 01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:58,079 I know I will continue doing dumb shit 135 01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:00,480 that's the way I am even though I 136 01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:02,880 try to be a good person, 137 01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:05,519 but I consider myself 138 01:07:05,519 --> 01:07:07,559 a self-centered person because 139 01:07:08,239 --> 01:07:11,079 not just like the conversation stuff but 140 01:07:11,079 --> 01:07:12,320 more like a 141 01:07:14,519 --> 01:07:16,199 natural feeling, 142 01:07:16,199 --> 01:07:17,480 like how I feel like, 143 01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:21,719 how I'm thinking is more surrounded by myself 144 01:07:21,719 --> 01:07:23,360 surrounded by Phy. 145 01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:28,679 So who am I is a selfish person 146 01:07:28,679 --> 01:07:31,719 but trying to be not that selfish. 147 01:07:35,159 --> 01:07:37,199 148 01:07:43,639 --> 01:07:46,320 I feel like I'm kind of trapped inside 149 01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,639 a cage that I built for myself. 150 01:07:48,639 --> 01:07:50,480 Before I go to Europe, I felt so 151 01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:53,519 anxious about immigrating to the UK. 152 01:07:54,280 --> 01:07:57,599 But I think I adopted quite well, 153 01:07:57,599 --> 01:07:59,840 better than I expected in Europe. 154 01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:02,519 Somehow the exchange program unlocks part 155 01:08:02,519 --> 01:08:05,079 of me that I didn't know before. 156 01:08:05,639 --> 01:08:08,400 That I think I supressed before. 157 01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:10,880 Like I used to be so judgy 158 01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:12,599 to people and ... 159 01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:15,079 a lot more serious. 160 01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:18,800 Kind of mean, I mean maybe still mean. 161 01:08:19,359 --> 01:08:23,600 But I think living in another city 162 01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:25,520 makes you realise that you 163 01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:29,239 can have different sides of you 164 01:08:29,239 --> 01:08:32,560 and you end up discovering more 165 01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:34,880 about yourself than the city itself. 166 01:08:36,399 --> 01:08:37,079 That's not my quote, 167 01:08:37,079 --> 01:08:38,319 that's from Eric Romer. 168 01:08:38,439 --> 01:08:43,119 I don't think I can ever escape my cage 169 01:08:43,119 --> 01:08:44,600 when I'm living here. 170 01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,800 Like, you just get so used to it and 171 01:08:47,800 --> 01:08:49,039 you know, you're just 172 01:08:49,039 --> 01:08:50,680 staying with the same people, 173 01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:52,079 hanging around with them. 174 01:08:53,119 --> 01:08:54,640 And I don't know, I just feel ... 175 01:08:56,039 --> 01:09:00,760 I met so many kind and 176 01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:04,399 more open-minded people in Europe. 177 01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:07,479 After you moved to a new place, 178 01:09:07,479 --> 01:09:09,079 it just forces you to 179 01:09:09,720 --> 01:09:11,760 make some changes to yourself. 180 01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:14,000 Like whenever I feel sentimental, 181 01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:16,399 I would just sit with the feelings for a while. 182 01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:21,600 And then I start to be creative and 183 01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:25,239 work on something new and I can 184 01:09:25,239 --> 01:09:26,640 have better understanding 185 01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:28,880 of myself and I can channel those 186 01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:30,680 emotions into my work. 187 01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:31,600 You don't know if 188 01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:34,000 you're really gonna make it. 189 01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:36,640 Like making something that you like 190 01:09:38,159 --> 01:09:41,159 and you know, stay that way, 191 01:09:41,159 --> 01:09:42,920 make it sustainable. 192 01:09:42,920 --> 01:09:44,640 I think that's my biggest doubt. 193 01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:47,960 I hope it can last forever. 194 01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:50,960 Anxiety is the biggest motivation. 195 01:09:53,199 --> 01:09:55,840 I think I'm always excited about the future. 196 01:09:57,439 --> 01:09:59,880 There's just so many things for you to 197 01:09:59,880 --> 01:10:01,760 explore and it always 198 01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:03,760 doesn't go the expected way. 199 01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:06,800 Like I will move to the UK soon, 200 01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:08,199 maybe in a few years. 201 01:10:08,199 --> 01:10:09,159 I don't know yet. 202 01:10:09,159 --> 01:10:11,560 Still, I often feel 203 01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:16,159 I haven't quite explored enough of Hong Kong yet. 204 01:10:16,359 --> 01:10:17,920 There's so many places 205 01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:20,319 and people I don't know yet. 206 01:10:20,319 --> 01:10:24,159 I only realized that after I'm in Europe 207 01:10:25,359 --> 01:10:26,840 and I feel like I want 208 01:10:26,840 --> 01:10:30,239 to be a traveller here. 209 01:10:30,239 --> 01:10:32,119 I want to be curious about everything 210 01:10:32,119 --> 01:10:33,760 happening in the city. 211 01:10:33,760 --> 01:10:35,960 And I'm having so much more fun right now 212 01:10:35,960 --> 01:10:39,960 compared to me last year. 213 01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,279 You know I hate those 214 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,319 what're they called? 215 01:10:45,319 --> 01:10:46,720 Those tests. 216 01:10:47,039 --> 01:10:48,600 Like ENFP or that kind of shit. 217 01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:50,119 It just frames you. 218 01:10:50,119 --> 01:10:51,840 You can have so many different sides. 219 01:10:51,840 --> 01:10:53,319 You can be introvert, you can be 220 01:10:53,319 --> 01:10:55,239 extrovert, you can be everything. 221 01:10:55,640 --> 01:10:59,119 You know it's just in what environments 222 01:10:59,119 --> 01:11:00,880 you're putting yourself in 223 01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:03,199 and what people you hang out with. 224 01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:06,720 Maybe right now 225 01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:10,840 self-obsessed and a bit arrogant. 226 01:11:11,640 --> 01:11:14,039 But I don't really know who I am 227 01:11:14,640 --> 01:11:16,640 and I don't think I need to know. 228 01:11:17,640 --> 01:11:19,000 It just keeps changing. 229 01:11:20,159 --> 01:11:22,560 I don't really have any wise answers. 230 01:11:22,560 --> 01:11:24,920 If I have one I will keep it to myself. 231 01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:37,359 232 01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:42,880 In some way, it's good to not 233 01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:45,000 just live in the future, 234 01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:46,680 but it does feel a bit like 235 01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:49,279 I'm just floating right now, 236 01:11:49,439 --> 01:11:53,800 not really having any purpose. 237 01:11:56,079 --> 01:11:57,840 And I guess if you have some sort of plan 238 01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:01,039 for the future that would help me feel 239 01:12:01,039 --> 01:12:05,119 more secure, give me a sense of knowing 240 01:12:05,119 --> 01:12:06,920 what I'm doing at all. 241 01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:08,479 I guess also because I don't 242 01:12:08,479 --> 01:12:10,119 really know what I want and 243 01:12:10,399 --> 01:12:11,359 things that I want would 244 01:12:11,359 --> 01:12:14,079 take years to make it happen and 245 01:12:14,079 --> 01:12:16,159 I don't know where to start. 246 01:12:17,199 --> 01:12:19,640 The struggle I had of not knowing where I 247 01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,199 would be stops me from having a plan, 248 01:12:22,199 --> 01:12:24,239 I guess, because if I'm just gonna be in 249 01:12:24,239 --> 01:12:25,880 Hong Kong, then I think it's easier to have 250 01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:29,199 a plan, but if I have to think about, oh, 251 01:12:29,199 --> 01:12:31,079 but maybe I would be in Australia. 252 01:12:31,079 --> 01:12:35,119 Or I would go somewhere else 253 01:12:35,119 --> 01:12:36,640 but not knowing where that is, 254 01:12:36,640 --> 01:12:38,520 it's just a bit hard. 255 01:12:38,520 --> 01:12:40,039 And if I just stay in Hong Kong for two more 256 01:12:40,039 --> 01:12:42,600 years, then I can kind of keep doing what 257 01:12:42,600 --> 01:12:45,439 I'm doing and progressing, but if I'm 258 01:12:45,439 --> 01:12:46,560 going to another place, 259 01:12:46,560 --> 01:12:48,680 then it feels like I'm starting over. 260 01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:51,279 The experiences you have here might not 261 01:12:51,279 --> 01:12:54,800 be acknowledged in another place. 262 01:12:55,279 --> 01:12:57,399 It's just a network part and also just 263 01:12:57,399 --> 01:12:59,119 the fact that you move across countries, 264 01:12:59,119 --> 01:13:00,600 then you're settling in. 265 01:13:00,600 --> 01:13:02,239 It's just a lot of work. 266 01:13:02,760 --> 01:13:06,640 When you're in uni and you're thinking, 267 01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,840 yeah, I'm doing something for my future. 268 01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:12,279 I'm building up my 269 01:13:12,279 --> 01:13:15,000 skills, I'm learning, and 270 01:13:15,039 --> 01:13:17,800 then now it feels a bit like, this is it. 271 01:13:19,279 --> 01:13:22,920 You graduated and I'm supposed to live in 272 01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:27,079 the future that I was working towards 273 01:13:27,079 --> 01:13:32,960 in the past, and I think I'm a bit 274 01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:35,640 anxious about actually living it. 275 01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:37,800 I feel like I know what I'm doing, 276 01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:39,560 but I don't know how to explain it to 277 01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:42,720 people what I'm doing, so maybe I don't 278 01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:44,359 know what I'm doing. 279 01:13:47,319 --> 01:13:49,439 In my time in Germany, I think I was just 280 01:13:50,239 --> 01:13:52,319 stressed about a lot of things 281 01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,479 just on a daily basis, 282 01:13:55,479 --> 01:13:59,399 so I didn't have the energy to do bigger things 283 01:13:59,399 --> 01:14:01,199 like working on 284 01:14:01,199 --> 01:14:04,239 projects or challenging myself. 285 01:14:04,239 --> 01:14:07,479 I also try to remind myself that 286 01:14:07,479 --> 01:14:10,640 it was the limit at the moment for me. 287 01:14:11,399 --> 01:14:13,640 I guess I'm stressed right now that I 288 01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:15,439 would feel the same 289 01:14:15,439 --> 01:14:17,239 two years later looking back 290 01:14:17,239 --> 01:14:19,319 at this time that I could have done more. 291 01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:22,000 And I think that's why now I'm a bit like 292 01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:25,000 stretching myself thin. 293 01:14:25,399 --> 01:14:29,199 I don't know, maybe I'm just bad at doing 294 01:14:29,199 --> 01:14:31,159 things, but I'm ... 295 01:14:31,920 --> 01:14:34,000 always takes too much time 296 01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:34,960 doing it. 297 01:14:35,279 --> 01:14:38,079 I feel like I wasted some time in the past, 298 01:14:38,079 --> 01:14:40,239 but I'm just thinking that I could have done 299 01:14:40,239 --> 01:14:45,560 more or be less afraid. 300 01:14:50,600 --> 01:14:54,039 I was thinking, the only quality that I still 301 01:14:54,039 --> 01:14:55,000 connect with or like 302 01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:58,119 still recognize when I was a 303 01:14:58,119 --> 01:15:02,279 kid would be being shy and introverted. 304 01:15:02,279 --> 01:15:04,119 I'm like a shy obsessive kid. 305 01:15:05,279 --> 01:15:08,039 I don't know, like obsessed with little things 306 01:15:08,359 --> 01:15:09,520 when I do something, 307 01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:11,680 it's always 100%. 308 01:15:11,680 --> 01:15:13,279 But it's also like something that I'm 309 01:15:13,279 --> 01:15:15,680 really trying to not be ... 310 01:15:15,680 --> 01:15:17,119 but it's always been there. 311 01:15:18,039 --> 01:15:19,039 Like the emotions come 312 01:15:19,039 --> 01:15:20,600 before the thoughts, you know? 313 01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:24,159 It's just, I don't know why. 314 01:15:28,039 --> 01:15:29,399 I'm just a person. 315 01:15:30,399 --> 01:15:31,640 It's like those birds. 316 01:15:35,399 --> 01:15:37,319 I'm just one of the birds. 317 01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:56,039 318 01:16:00,079 --> 01:16:01,880 I don't think about the future 319 01:16:01,880 --> 01:16:03,920 because I don't know what would happen, 320 01:16:03,920 --> 01:16:06,000 so just fuck it! 321 01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:09,560 I think that I am that kind of person 322 01:16:09,560 --> 01:16:11,960 who would 323 01:16:11,960 --> 01:16:16,039 consistently search for some meaning. 324 01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:18,520 That's why I study art, 325 01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:22,119 or I was 326 01:16:22,119 --> 01:16:25,119 thinking about the relationship of an individual 327 01:16:25,119 --> 01:16:26,840 and the society and 328 01:16:26,840 --> 01:16:30,239 people in this time or in this era 329 01:16:30,239 --> 01:16:31,359 should think about 330 01:16:31,359 --> 01:16:35,119 what they can do for the society, 331 01:16:35,119 --> 01:16:36,720 or what meaning they can create 332 01:16:36,720 --> 01:16:38,600 through what they're working on. 333 01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:40,319 When we're talking about future planning 334 01:16:40,319 --> 01:16:43,640 in Hong Kong, this place is quite ridiculous 335 01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:47,279 because things are changing constantly. 336 01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:50,439 You don't even know what will happen 337 01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:52,439 after you graduate 338 01:16:52,920 --> 01:16:55,439 in only about two or three years 339 01:16:55,439 --> 01:16:56,960 you don't know what would change. 340 01:16:57,239 --> 01:16:58,960 How can we plan our future? 341 01:17:00,760 --> 01:17:04,479 People should, rather than searching outwards, 342 01:17:04,479 --> 01:17:06,359 they should search inside, 343 01:17:06,359 --> 01:17:08,479 what they are going to be 344 01:17:08,479 --> 01:17:09,760 or what they want to be. 345 01:17:09,760 --> 01:17:13,560 But not consider how to plan their future. 346 01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:18,680 I'm avoiding to think about what future is, 347 01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:21,119 how it would be concretely, but... 348 01:17:21,479 --> 01:17:23,680 I'm just going with the flow 349 01:17:23,680 --> 01:17:27,840 and I know things will be fine. 350 01:17:30,199 --> 01:17:31,840 While you are creating something new 351 01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:33,199 you are trying to 352 01:17:33,199 --> 01:17:35,960 figure out what was happening 353 01:17:35,960 --> 01:17:37,479 previously in your life. 354 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:39,760 You use that as your 355 01:17:40,920 --> 01:17:42,880 material to build something new 356 01:17:43,880 --> 01:17:45,479 and trying to figure out 357 01:17:45,479 --> 01:17:47,479 what is happening to yourself. 358 01:17:47,880 --> 01:17:51,239 I'm on the way of figuring these things out, 359 01:17:51,239 --> 01:17:52,079 maybe ... 360 01:17:52,079 --> 01:17:57,439 As a year one, I'm on a way of a separate path. 361 01:17:57,920 --> 01:18:01,319 Coming from that past to here 362 01:18:01,359 --> 01:18:03,720 is kind of a strange time, but 363 01:18:04,319 --> 01:18:05,720 I quite enjoy it. 364 01:18:06,199 --> 01:18:07,920 My instagram name is 365 01:18:09,000 --> 01:18:10,600 'no label but a slut' 366 01:18:11,079 --> 01:18:12,479 So that's me, a slut. 367 01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:14,520 I think there's a statement of 368 01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:16,840 reclaiming the word slut. 369 01:18:16,840 --> 01:18:19,319 A slut means you can do whatever you want 370 01:18:19,319 --> 01:18:21,640 and fuck what people think. 371 01:18:22,359 --> 01:18:24,880 It's kind of anti-labelling 372 01:18:25,239 --> 01:18:27,439 to yourself or to others. 373 01:18:27,439 --> 01:18:29,680 'No label but a slut' is a 374 01:18:29,680 --> 01:18:31,920 conflict between these two statements, 375 01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:35,119 but i think that conflict is something 376 01:18:36,039 --> 01:18:37,840 consistently happening in our life. 377 01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:55,840 I mean sometimes I try not to. 378 01:18:55,840 --> 01:18:59,079 I'm trying to focus on what happens now but 379 01:18:59,079 --> 01:19:00,520 I mean it does pop up sometimes. 380 01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:02,359 Okay, now I'm working full-time. 381 01:19:02,359 --> 01:19:03,560 How the fuck am I supposed to work 382 01:19:03,560 --> 01:19:05,199 full-time when I graduate? 383 01:19:05,199 --> 01:19:07,159 What's in the way for me in the future? 384 01:19:07,239 --> 01:19:09,600 There are many things I don't like at the moment 385 01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:12,399 and when I think about the future I hope 386 01:19:12,399 --> 01:19:13,359 I don't have to be 387 01:19:13,359 --> 01:19:14,840 dealing with those things. 388 01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:17,039 I know people in different stages of life 389 01:19:17,039 --> 01:19:18,880 deal with different difficulties so 390 01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:20,880 maybe at this point I hope 391 01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:22,640 I don't want to deal with those things. 392 01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:24,319 In the future I'll be dealing with 393 01:19:24,319 --> 01:19:26,840 other things as well but I just hope that 394 01:19:26,840 --> 01:19:28,479 the things I'm dealing in the future is 395 01:19:28,479 --> 01:19:31,479 just while I'm doing stuff I like. 396 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:35,960 I guess in many moments of life you're 397 01:19:35,960 --> 01:19:39,079 restricted by the environment around you. 398 01:19:39,079 --> 01:19:40,439 Maybe when you were a kid 399 01:19:40,439 --> 01:19:42,800 maybe parents may restrict you, 400 01:19:42,800 --> 01:19:44,439 where you live may restrict you. 401 01:19:44,439 --> 01:19:46,079 Your school may restrict you. 402 01:19:46,399 --> 01:19:47,960 Always stuff like that, but all you can do is 403 01:19:47,960 --> 01:19:51,079 change your mindset, while accepting the 404 01:19:51,079 --> 01:19:53,319 restrictions to maybe 405 01:19:53,319 --> 01:19:54,960 hope for a better future. 406 01:19:55,279 --> 01:19:56,840 I won't say I'm really good at dealing 407 01:19:56,840 --> 01:19:59,119 with stuff but I've dealt with a lot 408 01:19:59,119 --> 01:20:00,920 of stuff when I was growing up. 409 01:20:00,920 --> 01:20:03,359 Being the poorest kid while studying in an 410 01:20:03,359 --> 01:20:04,479 international school 411 01:20:04,479 --> 01:20:06,720 and then putting myself into a 412 01:20:07,319 --> 01:20:08,520 private school and then 413 01:20:08,520 --> 01:20:10,000 shifting into a local school and then 414 01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:12,640 relocating I think around five or 415 01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:13,960 six times in my life. 416 01:20:13,960 --> 01:20:15,680 Lived in a place for one year and then 417 01:20:16,279 --> 01:20:18,880 rent was too high, was too costly 418 01:20:18,880 --> 01:20:20,159 for us to live in. 419 01:20:20,159 --> 01:20:21,279 I also had a 420 01:20:21,279 --> 01:20:23,279 scallosis surgery. 421 01:20:23,279 --> 01:20:26,159 You know, when your spine is kind of bent. 422 01:20:26,159 --> 01:20:28,319 I was diagnosed when I was 14 423 01:20:28,319 --> 01:20:30,920 so I pretty much had to bear the weight of 424 01:20:30,920 --> 01:20:35,119 'I had to do a scallosis surgery when I was 18' 425 01:20:35,119 --> 01:20:36,319 and then live every day 426 01:20:36,319 --> 01:20:38,600 knowing that I'm really ashamed of 427 01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:41,920 my body and how I have to deal 428 01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:43,640 with a really, really 429 01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:46,640 serious surgery when I was 18. 430 01:20:46,640 --> 01:20:48,319 So it's like basically a countdown for me 431 01:20:48,319 --> 01:20:52,239 I learned a lot from these experiences in some sense 432 01:20:52,239 --> 01:20:54,920 but then I know there's still gonna be a 433 01:20:54,920 --> 01:20:58,199 lot, lot, and lot more for me to come so 434 01:20:59,479 --> 01:21:02,800 I just try to remain hopeful, 435 01:21:02,800 --> 01:21:06,079 hope to adapt in a best way I guess. 436 01:21:06,079 --> 01:21:08,319 Best if I can avoid it at all. 437 01:21:09,079 --> 01:21:10,399 Learning now than to 438 01:21:10,399 --> 01:21:12,199 make mistakes in the future. 439 01:21:14,279 --> 01:21:16,439 It's like preparing fate you know 440 01:21:16,439 --> 01:21:18,039 accepting fate I guess. 441 01:21:18,039 --> 01:21:19,840 You can't really do anything at the moment 442 01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:21,039 just focus on yourself. 443 01:21:21,039 --> 01:21:23,079 There's always that 'what if?' 444 01:21:23,079 --> 01:21:25,399 no matter what you tell yourself 445 01:21:25,399 --> 01:21:26,960 'what if?' 446 01:21:26,960 --> 01:21:28,560 There's always the alternate 447 01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:30,880 version that you don't want to happen, 448 01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:33,119 but you can only hope not to happen. 449 01:21:33,119 --> 01:21:34,760 Yeah there would always be 450 01:21:35,279 --> 01:21:36,760 doubts for the future. 451 01:21:36,760 --> 01:21:38,760 One day your choices will 452 01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:40,479 affect you and then 453 01:21:40,680 --> 01:21:43,079 you will be there at one point so it's 454 01:21:43,079 --> 01:21:45,239 kind of like fate but it all depends on 455 01:21:45,239 --> 01:21:48,239 how you choose life at the moment. 456 01:21:48,239 --> 01:21:51,600 You kind of glorify yourself in the future. 457 01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:53,960 'If I was like that, I'll be really happy' 458 01:21:53,960 --> 01:21:56,720 but then maybe at some point 459 01:21:56,720 --> 01:21:58,000 you're actually like that 460 01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,399 but it's still life. 461 01:22:00,399 --> 01:22:02,079 There's shit you still gotta deal with. 462 01:22:02,079 --> 01:22:03,520 Some people are all like 463 01:22:03,520 --> 01:22:05,239 'you're doing things you like' 464 01:22:05,239 --> 01:22:06,319 'oh you're trying out different things' 465 01:22:06,319 --> 01:22:08,680 but I'm still like, I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. 466 01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:09,920 Seriously man. 467 01:22:39,039 --> 01:22:41,079 I'm Loser. 468 01:22:41,079 --> 01:22:44,520 Because I don't have anything 469 01:22:44,520 --> 01:22:47,960 So, that's why I'm calling myself Loser. 470 01:22:49,159 --> 01:22:50,159 Because ... 471 01:22:51,359 --> 01:22:52,359 It's failure 472 01:22:53,079 --> 01:22:55,439 when I already grew up 473 01:22:57,159 --> 01:23:00,560 so young, I am a loser. 474 01:23:02,479 --> 01:23:03,920 But maybe in the future I can 475 01:23:03,920 --> 01:23:06,119 be a winner, you know! 476 01:23:07,119 --> 01:23:08,560 That's the goal in my life. 477 01:23:09,439 --> 01:23:13,520 These things are bought by myself. 478 01:23:13,520 --> 01:23:16,119 Everything. 479 01:23:16,119 --> 01:23:18,520 I'm very proud of it, because, 480 01:23:18,840 --> 01:23:22,520 I'm really, really hard working to afford it. 481 01:23:22,520 --> 01:23:26,520 I always think about my future, because, 482 01:23:26,520 --> 01:23:29,600 it's so scary in Hong Kong ... 483 01:23:29,600 --> 01:23:32,239 The price is very high 484 01:23:32,239 --> 01:23:33,960 you know, for everything. 485 01:23:33,960 --> 01:23:35,720 If you only have one job 486 01:23:35,720 --> 01:23:38,600 you cannot afford a house in Hong Kong 487 01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:42,439 And if, you only got a very small house 488 01:23:42,439 --> 01:23:46,520 you know, you can't breathe in here. 489 01:23:46,520 --> 01:23:47,920 You cannot relax. 490 01:23:47,920 --> 01:23:50,000 Because I think everybody 491 01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:52,840 is supposed to have one house in their lives. 492 01:23:52,840 --> 01:23:54,840 But I don't have it. 493 01:23:54,840 --> 01:23:58,479 And it's too expensive to afford that. 494 01:23:58,640 --> 01:23:59,880 You have a job, 495 01:23:59,880 --> 01:24:05,680 but maybe someday your boss will fire you. 496 01:24:05,680 --> 01:24:06,960 You know I mean? 497 01:24:06,960 --> 01:24:09,079 Then you don't have a job. 498 01:24:09,079 --> 01:24:12,640 Then how do you survive in Hong Kong? 499 01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:21,039 Almost zero hopeful. 500 01:24:21,039 --> 01:24:24,600 Because of my background. 501 01:24:25,079 --> 01:24:27,760 My background sucks, I can say, 502 01:24:27,760 --> 01:24:30,439 because I don't have my parents. 503 01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:33,840 I grew up by myself, you know. 504 01:24:33,840 --> 01:24:37,279 I worked hard from a very young age. 505 01:24:38,439 --> 01:24:41,159 I worked in McDonald's ... 506 01:24:41,159 --> 01:24:43,520 They left me very young, 507 01:24:43,520 --> 01:24:46,079 maybe one year old. 508 01:24:46,079 --> 01:24:50,199 They're not dead, but they left me alone. 509 01:24:50,199 --> 01:24:51,560 I'm adopted. 510 01:24:51,560 --> 01:24:53,319 Always working. 511 01:24:53,319 --> 01:24:56,800 People are studying, laughing, playing 512 01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:59,479 and I'm always working. 513 01:24:59,479 --> 01:25:02,319 No mood to study 514 01:25:02,319 --> 01:25:04,439 because I'm always very tired. 515 01:25:05,279 --> 01:25:10,239 I work 12 hours in one day. 516 01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:13,399 But one week has seven days 517 01:25:13,399 --> 01:25:14,359 you know what I mean? 518 01:25:14,359 --> 01:25:16,880 You only have one day to chill! 519 01:25:17,880 --> 01:25:20,399 Maybe the future will better. 520 01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:25,640 Because, the past you cannot change. 521 01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:27,920 But the future 522 01:25:27,920 --> 01:25:32,079 you can change yourself and improve. 523 01:25:34,840 --> 01:25:37,319 Very rich! 524 01:25:37,319 --> 01:25:39,800 Very rich! Many more friends. 525 01:25:39,800 --> 01:25:42,960 Have a lot more time to play. 526 01:25:44,239 --> 01:25:46,279 You know, work hard play hard! 527 01:25:46,279 --> 01:25:47,399 Like that. 528 01:25:59,960 --> 01:26:02,600 I think the future has been on my mind for a bit 529 01:26:02,920 --> 01:26:04,039 for quite some time, 530 01:26:04,039 --> 01:26:06,199 ever since graduation and shit. 531 01:26:10,119 --> 01:26:11,079 I think it's more like, 532 01:26:11,079 --> 01:26:12,560 you know where you wanna go, 533 01:26:12,560 --> 01:26:14,279 but it's just at this point, 534 01:26:14,279 --> 01:26:16,119 you don't know how to get there. 535 01:26:17,159 --> 01:26:18,600 I'm still questioning, like, 536 01:26:18,880 --> 01:26:20,680 is it what you really want? 537 01:26:20,680 --> 01:26:22,800 I think you can't really 538 01:26:23,279 --> 01:26:25,399 dodge questioning, like, 539 01:26:25,399 --> 01:26:27,239 where you are at right now 540 01:26:27,239 --> 01:26:29,680 and where were you? 541 01:26:30,359 --> 01:26:32,119 It goes different for everybody. 542 01:26:32,880 --> 01:26:34,000 Like for now, 543 01:26:34,800 --> 01:26:35,680 for me, 544 01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:37,720 I have no idea what I'm doing right now. 545 01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:39,720 You start to realize you have the power 546 01:26:39,720 --> 01:26:41,520 to be more independent. 547 01:26:42,279 --> 01:26:43,479 There's a freedom in it, 548 01:26:43,479 --> 01:26:44,399 but at the same time, 549 01:26:44,399 --> 01:26:46,159 that comes with responsibility. 550 01:26:46,159 --> 01:26:47,439 What if I do this? 551 01:26:47,439 --> 01:26:49,279 Am I wasting my time right now? 552 01:26:50,199 --> 01:26:52,880 And am I lagging behind? 553 01:26:52,880 --> 01:26:54,000 Everybody's progressing 554 01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:56,439 and I'm still processing it. 555 01:26:56,880 --> 01:26:59,760 And it's scary, it's terrifying, 556 01:26:59,760 --> 01:27:00,920 but at the same time, 557 01:27:00,920 --> 01:27:03,000 you know it's gonna happen, 558 01:27:03,000 --> 01:27:04,399 it's gonna happen anyway. 559 01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:09,600 But, yeah, there's like a confidence 560 01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:12,079 that comes from, I don't know where, 561 01:27:12,079 --> 01:27:13,880 yeah, nowhere probably 562 01:27:14,640 --> 01:27:16,880 "Nah, I'll leave it for future me." 563 01:27:16,880 --> 01:27:18,359 She'll figure it out. 564 01:27:18,760 --> 01:27:21,399 It's just a very conflicting state of mind. 565 01:27:21,399 --> 01:27:23,359 It's just a very transitional period of time 566 01:27:23,359 --> 01:27:24,760 in my life right now. 567 01:27:26,039 --> 01:27:27,239 I don't think it's necessary 568 01:27:27,239 --> 01:27:29,720 to be hopeful about the future, you know? 569 01:27:29,800 --> 01:27:31,600 Like, when you're 16, 570 01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:32,359 were you hopeful about 571 01:27:32,359 --> 01:27:35,000 your future and where you are? 572 01:27:35,000 --> 01:27:36,000 Would you expect, like, 573 01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:37,560 there's like wars everywhere, 574 01:27:37,560 --> 01:27:41,600 like fucking Israel, fucking Ukraine ... 575 01:27:41,600 --> 01:27:44,319 Life, gets thrown in your face anyway. 576 01:27:45,439 --> 01:27:47,880 I mean, it's always gonna be sunshine and rain. 577 01:27:50,479 --> 01:27:52,319 What makes an artist? 578 01:27:52,720 --> 01:27:54,960 Going to gallery openings? 579 01:27:54,960 --> 01:27:56,960 Does it make you an artist? 580 01:27:58,760 --> 01:28:00,439 Yeah, it's arbitrary. 581 01:28:02,039 --> 01:28:03,560 To think about, like, 582 01:28:03,560 --> 01:28:05,680 yeah, let's go into arts. 583 01:28:06,159 --> 01:28:09,079 Some part of me is still kind of positive 584 01:28:09,079 --> 01:28:11,039 about, like, you doing your thing, 585 01:28:11,039 --> 01:28:14,600 you doing something you actually enjoy. 586 01:28:14,600 --> 01:28:16,800 It's gonna bring you somewhere that you wanna be, 587 01:28:16,800 --> 01:28:18,279 but at the same time ... 588 01:28:20,520 --> 01:28:21,520 Like, for four years, 589 01:28:21,520 --> 01:28:23,119 five, technically five, 590 01:28:24,159 --> 01:28:27,520 you've been trained into a mindset 591 01:28:27,520 --> 01:28:30,039 of thinking of what you do as art. 592 01:28:30,039 --> 01:28:32,239 But I have a hard time thinking about it 593 01:28:32,239 --> 01:28:34,880 with any artistic value. 594 01:28:34,880 --> 01:28:36,760 Not until this year, honestly. 595 01:28:36,760 --> 01:28:39,239 I enjoy doing this, but at the same time, 596 01:28:39,239 --> 01:28:41,279 it adds a lot of pressure when you 597 01:28:41,279 --> 01:28:43,760 actually think of yourself as an artist. 598 01:28:43,760 --> 01:28:45,000 I don't think I want to 599 01:28:45,000 --> 01:28:46,840 take that weight on me. 600 01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:48,720 I just want to do whatever I want. 601 01:28:48,720 --> 01:28:50,920 I'll put, like, CCTV in 602 01:28:50,920 --> 01:28:53,199 toilets and I'll call it art. 603 01:28:53,560 --> 01:28:54,600 Does it make sense? 604 01:28:56,359 --> 01:28:59,039 Maybe I'm my worst critic. 605 01:28:59,039 --> 01:28:59,840 Most of the time, 606 01:28:59,840 --> 01:29:01,680 I'm more driven by fear 607 01:29:01,680 --> 01:29:04,600 instead of a certain passion. 608 01:29:06,199 --> 01:29:08,119 I just make dumb decisions. 609 01:29:09,920 --> 01:29:11,439 Just realising you've got 610 01:29:11,439 --> 01:29:13,640 sovereignty over yourself 611 01:29:14,119 --> 01:29:15,159 and you've got more 612 01:29:15,159 --> 01:29:17,319 freedom to be independent. 613 01:29:17,319 --> 01:29:19,079 And now you've got a 614 01:29:19,079 --> 01:29:20,840 million choices to make 615 01:29:20,840 --> 01:29:22,680 and you don't know where to go. 616 01:29:24,640 --> 01:29:26,239 And it's not easy to do what you want, 617 01:29:26,239 --> 01:29:27,720 you know what I'm saying?